I've been suicidal since I was about 10 years old. I'm 23 now. That's 13 years of wanting to kill myself and 13 years of battling with depression. It's exhausting. I was diagnosed with a mental illness two years ago and it explains the depression and suicidal thoughts/attempts as both of those are a symptom of said mental illness. There is still a lot of stigma tied to mental illness, depression, and suicide.
I relapsed many times this month. I'm going back to therapy. I'm headed towards recovery. I am healing.
My playlist is a mixture of songs about healing, songs about pain, and songs that I've listened to years ago when I was a severely depressed teenager that has stuck with me throughout this whole journey.
To anyone who battles with depression and suicidal thoughts, I know it sounds extremely cliche, but you are not alone. It's so easy during this time to hyperfocus on the feeling of loneliness and on what causes us pain. I was so shocked at how many people was admitted to the hospital for suicidal attempts the last time I admitted myself to the hospital for treatment, and it showed me that I was not alone in how I was feeling.
I want to try DBT therapy to work through my suicidal thoughts as well as my past trauma that sometimes is the root to those thoughts. Right now I'm in CBT therapy but I've heard DBT is really good for individuals at high risk for suicide.
@court9723 Thanks for sharing and we are happy to have created a safe space for people to share their experiences and to offer support. If you or anyone you know ever needs a little extra emotional support, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The call is free and confidential and crisis workers are there 24/7 to assist. We encourage you to use Lifeline.