Ah Christmas! That special two-month stretch in a music analyst’s life when 80% of our workload includes sleigh bells and mentions of holly and mistletoe. While the occasional holiday track trickles into our queues throughout the year, sometime around October first, the slow drip precipitates into a flurry, then a blizzard, culminating into a complete white out right about now. Personally, I love it. Just like spending a day analyzing Hawaiian music can feel like a miniature tropical vacation, total immersion in Christmas songs extends my season of joy and goodwill manyfold. And with the annual return of attention to our pine-scented catalog, come the perennial questions we’ve been mulling for as long as I’ve been here. The top of the list (the low-hanging ornament, so to speak) is a discussion of the instruments that most commonly define the Christmas sound. We all know about sleigh bells, glockenspiel and tubular bells, but what other obvious signifiers should we include in our hunt, if any? Harmonized trumpets? Synthetic string pads? Wood blocks and that whip-crack sound from Sleigh Ride? Moving along to some of the old chestnuts that seem to get trotted out with a clipity-clop each year: If something is a children’s Christmas song, should it be siloed into a children’s station or a Christmas station? Well, when it comes to Christmas, who doesn’t want to hear “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”? We’re all kids at heart this time of year, so that one’s easy. But what about if it’s a funny song, like the Elmo & Patsy classic, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, Spike Jones’ beloved, “All I want for Christmas,” or my personal favorite, “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”? Comedy music or Christmas? (Extra bonus aside: is making a joke about Grandma getting run over by a reindeer offensive?) The guiding star we always follow, year after year: Christmas wins. Christmas always wins. Moving on to some tricker issues to unwrap, classical music presents its own set of challenges. Handel’s Messiah and The Nutcracker are Christmas staples, but they’re also canonical works that listeners might enjoy on playlists all year round. Conversely, the Ode to Joy from Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony has become associated with the holiday, but the rest of the Ninth? Not so much. And we’ve had to invent novel ways to best capture that a purely instrumental version of “Come Oh Ye Faithful” or “Silent Night,” has religious connotations, without the use of lyric tags. Speaking of instrumental music, what about new age tracks that allude to Christmas in the title, but are otherwise indistinguishable from general new age music? This kind of stuff inevitably lights up a conversation about how strongly, if at all, a distinction needs to be made between secular (Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree) and non-secular (Away in a Manger) Christmas songs? Or is all Christmas music intrinsically non-secular because of… ya know… it’s Christmas? A few other loose questions jingling around: Is it truly a Christmas miracle that we have almost 3,000 versions of Bing Crosby singing “White Christmas” in our system? Is Eartha Kitt purring Santa Baby too naughty to play on a children’s station? How many human hours have we spent checking playlists twice to weed Christmas songs out of non-Christmas playlists? Are Christmas lyrics inherently nostalgic? Is a reference to drinking mead considered offensive? Deck the hall with boughs of holly, Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! 'Tis the season to be jolly: Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! Fill the meadcup, drain the barrel, Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! Troll the ancient Christmas carol. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! Inevitably, we find ourselves several meads deep at a company holiday party, engrossed in a straight-faced academic debate about whether or not Frosty the Snowman qualifies as a monster, or if Santa can be described as a mythical creature (for any children reading, obviously not, because he is 100% real). Things get foggy parsing the sledful of songs that have been magically transformed into Christmas music simply by sheer force of repeated association with the season, like Greensleeves, O Tannenbaum, My Favorite Things and Hallelujah (which the Osmonds even went so far as to change the lyrics, shifting themes from Old to New Testament). There are, of course, those wintery ditties that don’t even mention Christmas, but you just KNOW, like Let It Snow, Baby it’s Cold Outside, Winter Wonderland. Heck, even Jingle Bells isn’t technically about Christmas! Real talk; is there any song that uses the word “jolly” that isn’t a Christmas song? Lastly, what about songs that take place during Christmas time or mention it, but you might not stuff your stocking with them? Is Joni Mitchell’s heartbreaker, “River,” a Christmas song, with its Jingle Bells quote and mention of Christmas in the opening line? Howsabout “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis,” by Tom Waits. Even if you think so, they surely don’t belong on the same playlist as that aptly-named icon, “The Christmas Song.” There’s so many of these, that it’s almost a genre unto itself. I thought I’d end here with a mini Christmas-Tinged Non-Christmas songs playlist. This is by no means a comprehensive list, so please add your favorites in the comments!!
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